Waiting for a better day
by Alhana
Summary: Beta'd version.After tragedy struck Harry Potter went away leaving Ginny and everyone he loved behind. Now after four years he's forced to return to the ones he left. Will he be able to forgive himself and let the others forgive him too?
1. Chapter One

Chapter One

Harry's POV

****

After having seen hundreds of people die before my own eyes, I am not easily upset by anything anymore. 

Probably I had never been, otherwise I couldn't have ever fought Voldemort since I was eleven years old and kept my mental sanity.

The many fights with Death Eaters in the last four years have tempered me so much that I don't feel that familiar rush of adrenaline anymore - that rush that was with me in the early months of the war.

It is as though these daily fights have become an almost natural thing for me to do.

Casting defensive and offensive spells have become mechanical actions: they don't contain neither fear nor anger, and this is why they have become less effective; this is why I am risking my life a little more each day; this is why I'm resigned by now to lose this war against Voldemort and I'm not caring about it even the slightest.

Voldemort would win easily because I don't feel a single emotion in my soul anymore.

My heart has become insensitive to my own pain and to the pain of the others.

I remember reading, once upon a time from a muggle book, an expression that I have never truly understood at last until now:

__

"...I shame to wear a heart so white."

Finally, I can comprehend the meaning of that expression: I am wearing a white heart, a heart void of emotion, void of love, void of hate. A heart with nothing on the inside.

The words spoken by Dumbledore after Sirius's death are filling my head:

__

'There is a room in the Department of Mysteries that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than the forces of nature...It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities and which Voldemort has not at all. That power took you to save Sirius tonight. That power also saved you from possession by Voldemort, because he could not bear to reside in a body so full of the force he detests. In the end it was your heart that saved you.'

What will save me now that I've lost it?

~*~

At first, it was not my decision distancing myself from the people I loved.

I admit that at one point in my life I had thought about doing exactly this, because I thought that they would be safer without me. But someone made me understand that it would be pointless for me to be left alone without a friend, without love.

I remember my old friends as if I'm looking at them right now: tears were streaming down from Hermione's eyes; a hurt expression was reflected in Ron's face and Ginny's eyes were shining with anger and worry. But it was her words that opened my eyes:

"Who do you think you are Harry? You can't keep on treating us like we're nothing to you...I thought we were friends! You're always trying to shut us out from your life without even an explanation! We haven't seen you smile or joke with us anymore, like you used to do..."

"I've seen Sirius die before my very own eyes!" I bellowed in anger. "Have you the slightest idea of what he meant for me?" 

"I know that you loved him, we all did. It was impossible not to care for him when you've got to know him." Ginny said with tears in her eyes, "But do you really think that this is how he would have wanted for you to react?" She asks me in an almost harsh tone. "He was a fighter!" She goes on fervently, "He had never given up the fight and he did that for you, for your parents, for his friends and above all else for himself. He had risked everything to find you again. He had never lost hope to find you, not even during those long years in Azkaban. He was a great wizard, but mostly he was a great man in every sense of the word and you should honour his death by living at the top of your capacities like he has always done. But you, instead, have given up everything and, I'm sorry to say this, but it's as though you've killed him all over again."

I remember seeing her petite but fierce figure right before me, her chocolate brown eyes looking at me with such intensity that I felt my knees buckle under her scrutiny.

I remember Ron and Hermione with their mouths agape, as if they were surprised as much as I was to see Ginny speaking like that in front of me.

But mostly, I remember the tears that fell from my eyes. I tried to stop them but I couldn't. It was as though all the tension of the last months or maybe even of the last years was melting in those tears. 

It was a good sensation.

And then when the tears had stopped, Ginny spoke again in a softer tone:

"We know what you're trying to do. You're trying to keep us away from you because you think that we will be safer that way. You think that to be your friends means for us to become the first target of You-Know-Who. Probably this is true..."

I was surprised by her sincerity. I thought that she was going to lie to me to make me feel better. 

"If there's anything I learned from my meeting with Riddle in my first year," she explained " it's that he acts exactly like this. He'll use your weaknesses against you, to subdue you and destroy you... but you have to understand Harry, that your plan can't work because it's our choice to remain at your side and fight Voldemort. We know what we're going to face and we are not afraid...I'm not afraid! And I think that I can speak for me as much as for Ron and Hermione when I say that I would have taken the same decision even if I had never met you, because this is the right thing to do. So, keep on shunning us as much as you want, but, I promise you that you'll find me at your side up to the last, no matter what you think is the best for me." 

I looked at her for a long time. I couldn't bring myself to leave her daring face; her eyes so sweet and yet so full of strength. Looking back, I can say with certainty that that was the moment I fell madly in love with her.

"Harry," called Hermione, her tears subsided, and she had regained her determinate face. "Ginny's right! You can't choose for us. We're fighting at your side against Voldemort from the beginning! You can't really think that we're going to stop now only because this is what you want us to do. This is our battle, too!"

"That's right, mate!" Ron chimed in. "You can't leave us behind so easily. You're my best friend, you're like another brother to me and I won't abandon you. The whole wizarding world has been thrown in this damned war with Voldemort. Sooner or later, every single wizard and witch out there will have to choose what side they want to take in this battle. We had made this choice a long time ago. It will be worth all the pain that we're going to go through when we'll know that that bastards will be eliminated once and for all."

That day I looked at Ron and Hermione and my heart swelled with affection for them.

What Ron had said was true: they were the brother and sister that I had never had and the only way I had rewarded them for their friendship was by denying them my trust and my respect.

I remembered hugging them both, and in that hug, we promised each other that we were going to be always together in this fight. But like every promise, even that one was broken. And so, today, I find myself alone, hidden in this bush, waiting to face another Death Eater, and hoping that this time I'd find Voldemort in front of me so that I'd finally be able to fulfil my destiny and know once and for all if my fate is to be the victim or the murderer in this farce that has become my life.

~*~

The night has come; and among the branches of the trees above me, I can see that the sky is filled with stars.

This sight should be a solace for a soul tormented such as mine. In spite of the violence in this world, the immutable stars keep looking out for us, and with their beauty they can still lighten our hearts; but to me they don't have that effect anymore

If it were up to me, I'd hide them all. 

They have no right to stay above us, watching as we kill each other like we're some weird show they are watching from their comforting chairs. 

If only I 'd have a spell to cast against them I'd use it; but I know that it would be useless. They would keep shining in the sky in demonstration of the inferiority of the human race that can't stop the hate and violence even in front of their beauty.

Once upon a time, I loved the stars.

When I was still at Hogwarts, I would go out at night with only my Invisibility Cloak, my Firebolt, and the Marauder's Map with me and I would go flying in the Quidditch Pitch. From up there the stars were so close to me that it seemed as if I could touch them. Back then, the stars still gave me comfort, but today as I watch them, I can't feel anything anymore. 

I know when I've started hating them; it was fours years ago, on a hot summer night... 

It was the night in which my life changed forever. The night Ron and Hermione died. 

According to a Muggle legend that was the night of the year in which the sky is most filled with stars, so that if you're lucky enough to see a shooting star, you can make a wish and it will come true. 

Now I know that this story is only a fairytale because that night I made many wishes and not one of them ever came true.

Ron and Hermione were married.

We all knew that they probably fell in love since the very first moment they looked at each other during our first journey to Hogwarts almost fourteen years ago.

Sure, they argued a lot, to put it lightly, but under all that fire was a deep love. When they were together their spirits burst in flames. I believe that they felt they were really living only when they were near each other.

Each one made the other whole. It was wonderful seeing them together.

Although their love was clear to everybody else, it was still Ginny and I that brought those two together. We had to lock them up in the Astronomy Tower for an entire night; but it was worth it, because since then, they didn't leave each other's side even for a single moment anymore. 

They married one year after graduating from Hogwarts.

The war had been raging for three years and they knew that they could die any day. Because of this, Ron and Hermione wanted to be sure that they would be together for as long as possible. They wanted to belong to each other and they wanted the whole world to know that nothing could ever split them apart because they were a unique being.

It was a beautiful ceremony; I was best man while Ginny was maid-of-honour. During the exchange of their wedding vows, my eyes never left Ginny's and I knew that in that instant we were exchanging our promises of love, too. 

After a few months, Hermione discovered that she was pregnant.

It should have been wonderful news but with the war raging out there and with all the problems that it was causing, Ron and Hermione took into consideration the idea of giving up the baby. But Ginny changed their mind:

"You can't renounce to this baby, he comes from your love. You have to give him the chance to live."

"Ginny, Ron and I, we want to keep fighting. We can't stay here, watching other people fight. What would happen to the baby if one of us or maybe both of us can't make it? If this had come in another time it would have been different but as it is..."

"Don't talk nonsense!" Ginny looked at Ron and Hermione with burning eyes. "I know you both very well! I know that you really don't want to give up this child. He must be born, Hermione, or you're going to regret this for all of your life," she bent down and placed a hand on Hermione's belly. "Don't you see that is a sign of hope? A wonderful thing happened despite all the violence and mayhem around us." 

With tears in her eyes, she kept on "This child will bring so much joy in our life. I'm sure of this. He will give us more strength, and if something should ever happen to the two of you, he'll still have all the Wesleys, the Grangers, and Harry at his side. He'll never be alone."

Rupert Harry Weasley was born one year later, on the 14 August. 

It was one of the most beautiful days of my life.

Ron and Hermione were awe-struck. I'm sure that they didn't regret changing their minds. From then on, Rupert filled all of our lives with happiness. 

I'm his godfather even though I don't think he's aware of this. I don't even know if he still remembers me. He should be five years old by now. 

Another promise that I broke: I haven't taken care of him like Ron and Hermione wished. I'm sure that the Weasleys are watching over him, and while they are with him, I know that he won't need me.

It was Draco Malfoy who killed Ron and Hermione on that summer's night. He was able to find Dean Thomas, Ron and Hermione's Secret Keeper. He tortured Dean until he couldn't stand it anymore, and after Draco got the information he was after, he killed Dean.

It was not an attack ordered by Voldemort. Malfoy worked in this alone. 

In the course of the years, Draco had come to hate Ron much more than he had ever hated me. Ron killed his father during a fight, and after that, was able to put Draco's mother in Azkaban, too. Draco never forgave him for this. He killed them only for personal revenge. First, he forced Ron to watch, powerless, while he tortured Hermione and then he killed them both.

We found them on the floor of their bedroom, with their eyes wide open, looking at each other as though they wanted to be tied together by a last glance even in death. 

We found Rupert in the secret chamber that Dumbledore had recommended they build to protect their family in case of danger. Probably Hermione or Ron perceived that something wasn't right and they hid the baby before it was too late.

Draco didn't have time to seek Rupert, and anyhow he would not have been able to open the door of the chamber because only a Weasley or a Granger could find the entrance and could speak the right words to open it. It was Ginny who went to Rupert first. She found him asleep rocked by the lullaby that his mother sang to him through an enchanted music box.

When Hermione's voice reached my ears, I broke down. I couldn't believe that they had really died, that I would never see them anymore. I had shared almost everything in my life with Ron and Hermione, what was the point to keep fighting now?

Half of me died with them that night and I don't think that my soul has really recovered from their death.

I killed him that same night. 

I tracked down Draco with a spell, and I found him in a pub not very far from the town where Ron and Hermione lived. I went towards him and without a word, I aimed my wand ready to strike. 

Draco raised his eyes at me for only a second, and strangely, I didn't see victory or satisfaction in those cold orbs like I thought I would see. I only saw disgust and pain. In another time and place maybe I would have felt pity for him, but not at that time, when I could still see the bodies of Ron and Hermione in front of my eyes. Not with the voice of Hermione singing to her son still in my ears. It was the first time that I used the Killing Curse, the first time that I killed a man and the only time that I did it for revenge.

Only after seeing the lifeless eyes of Draco before me did I understand what I had seen earlier in them. In killing Malfoy, I had killed a part of myself as well. In that very moment I knew that I could never be completely happy again. It was as though I had lost hope. It was as though I had lost the will to live. I had avenged my friends, but they wouldn't come back to me. I had only deepened the wound in my soul.

That was the night I went away. I came back home, and right in front of Ginny, I collected my things and left.

She still held Rupert in her arms. I remember her begging me not to leave, with tears streaming down her eyes.

"I've just lost my brother ...I've just lost the only real girlfriend I have ever had...Please don't leave me, too. We have to take care of Rupert like they wanted us to do. We have to be strong together...we can be strong together. Please, Harry...I love you...Harry!"

I didn't say a thing. I didn't even speak a word to her, and I didn't deign her of a last glance.

Vile through the end, I ran away.

The last thing I remember of that night was raising my head up to the sky searching for a little solace in the stars. 

For the first time in my life, I couldn't find it.

****

A/N: Thanks to my betas Jesser and Amphora. You're helping me so much! Thank you with all my heart.


	2. Chapter Two

****

Disclaimair: some quotes are taken directly from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenyx. All the credit goes to J.K. Rowling.

It is morning now and I'm finally back at the camp.

We captured two more Death Eaters last night. I know these two very well because they attended Hogwarts with me.

One of them is Blaise Zabini while the other is Marietta Edgecombe. They were in Slytherin and Ravenclaw. It may sounds strange but not only the notorious Slytherins are involved with Voldemort. 

In the course of the years, I have seen friends turned into terrible Death Eaters and enemies of the past becoming my most precious allies.

When I was younger, I used to think that the world was simply divided in what was white and what was black, in what was right and in what was wrong, but now the borders are blurred and I can't see a clear difference between good and evil anymore.

As I enter in my tent, I find Neville still asleep. I guess he returned from his guard duty only a few hours ago, otherwise he would be already up at this hour of the day.

Neville Longbottom is the only old friend that I still have. 

Actually, I wasn't so surprised to find him, after many years of distance, right in this camp with me, because we have always lived a sort of parallel lives. 

Neville arrived one year and a half ago.

Right after finishing school, he left England and moved to Holland where he completed his study on Herbology.

Through the years he became an expert on the matter, so much so that he was even offered a job at Hogwarts as Professor Sprout's assistant, but surprisingly, he chose to enlist himself in the Auror's army instead.

I believe that none of us who knew him would ever think that shy, sweet Neville would become a fighter, and a very good one for that matter. But this is exactly the case. That's why it's amazing to discover how much he has changed.

He also married with a muggle woman, Adeline, and one year ago he became father of a boy, Michael. Adeline and Neville met each other when he saved her life during an attack of Voldemort's army. They fell in love immediately and since then they've always been together. She understood his need to fight against evil and so when he decided to go and fight she let him with without further protests.

I believe that even if this situation is not ideal for them, they are happy just the same...and this sometimes makes me envy him, because if things had gone different when we were only children, maybe I would have been the happy one right now. 

Neville still doesn't know that my destiny could have been his. Albus Dumbledore left the choice to me to tell Neville the truth about the prophecy. 

I decided not to say anything to him, because in any case, nothing would change and in the end, I would just add another weight on his shoulder.

__

"The odd thing, Harry, is that it may not have meant you at all. The prophecy could have applied to two wizard boys both born at the end of July that year, both of whom had parents in the Order of the Phoenix, both sets of parents having narrowly escaped Voldemort three times. One of course was you. The other was Neville Longbottom" I remember Dumbledore telling me

I remember that day Dumbledore told me about the prophecy as it's just yesterday. That day greatly changed my life. And not only because it was the day I lost Sirius, but mostly because I discovered that whatever I'd do, whatever decisions I'd make, my destiny was already written since before my birth.

Sooner or later the day will come that Voldemort and I will finally it will confront each other and in that final battle, and in that very moment our fates will be decided, because...

__

"...Neither can live while the other survive"

Since then I have always felt like I am caught in a trap. Because I can't do a thing to avoid this fight and whatever will be the part I have to play, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm scared to think about what could happen to me and my world in the aftermath.

~*~

"Ehi Harry, finally you're back! Have you been out there all night?"

"Yes, I have. These two were difficult to arrest, lucky for us our trap worked out in the end. We captured them in a clear in the woods near Greenock. They were trying to evoke the Dark Mark to get reinforces but they hadn't had enough time. What about you? How was your guard duty, Neville?"

"It was okay. I didn't have any problems. It looks like we're still in a safe place, but I think that we'll have to move soon. With all the Death Eaters that got captured in the neighbourhood, eventually Voldemort and his followers will figure out what's going on. Who have you got this time?"

"Zabini and Edgecombe. Do you remember them? Edgecombe was with us in D.A. at Hogwarts."

"Was she the one that betrayed us?" Neville asks me, a little surprised.

"Exactly! We should have known since then that she wasn't one to trust."

I'm really tired, I keep on yawning and Neville notices this:

"Rest Harry, we'll talk later. I have still some hours of sleep to recover myself."

"Okay. See you later then, good night, Neville!"

"Good night, Harry."

~*~

It must be three in the afternoon when I finally wake up. I'm still tired, though. And it's not because of the constant late night guard duty I do; it's because of the nightmares that keep on haunting me whenever I close my eyes.

I've just called them nightmares when actually they were beautiful dreams, and the reason why I call them nightmares was because it made me remember the things I had abandoned, the things I would never, ever get back.

And who can blame her? I had hurt her too much. I had kept on doing that for fourteen years.

Even this night, or should I say morning, I dreamed about Ginny.

In the dream, we were still young and we were staying at the Burrow. She kept on saying how much she loved me, she said that she would never stop loving me that I would always find her by my side whatever might happen in our life. I kissed her passionately and I promised her that I would never leave her, too. Exactly the opposite of what I actually did.

Ginny.

The greatest mystery of my life.

The only woman of my life.

I never stopped loving her, and I don't think that I ever will.

Our love was not love at first sight, at least it wasn't for me. It was one of those things that grow in time. If I look back to the past, I can say that I always found her very cute since the first moment that I saw her. But unfortunately, she had this crush on me that prevented her to speak a word when she was face to face with me. And this gave me the wrong impression that she was a shy and close person.

But it was far from reality, really far. 

Ginny is pure fire. 

I don't think that there is someone who loves to give joy and happiness to the others more than her in the whole world. 

She is obstinate, she never gives up. The only time I saw her surrender to something was when I ran away. Actually, I chose that moment to leave because I knew that she would be too weak and too tired with all the pain to hold me back. If I had waited just a little longer, I would have never been able to leave her and everything I loved behind. 

Ginny possesses so much strength inside of her and she seems able to find it more when things get more difficult.

Once, she confessed to me that she felt like she had to owe something to Tom Riddle. She became stronger because she fought him when she was in such a young age. She never forgot that she had been almost in the brink of death that time, and because of that she always tried to live the best she could every day of her life, so that she wouldn't have to regret anything in the future.

Ginny and I, grew close during my fifth year at Hogwarts. During that year we begun to really speak to each other and so I was able to discover many things about her that I'd never imagined- her Quidditch skills, her talent for charms and hexes and above all else, her courage. 

The odd thing was that our friendship begun exactly when it looked like her crush for me was gone. I remember when Hermione gave Ron a great shock when she told him that his little sister was already going out with a boy:

__

"What! But I thought Ginny fancied Harry..."

"She used to fancy Harry, but she gave up on him months ago... Not that she doesn't like you, of course," she added kindly to me.

With that, I realised why Ginny was finally speaking to me and why there hadn't been other incidents with elbows in butter dishes every time I came around her

At that time I didn't give much thought about the new love life of Ginny, given my own problems and also because I still had a sort of silly infatuation with Cho Chang, one of the most popular girls of the school. But during the next year, when I felt that I was falling in love with Ginny, the fact that she was not interested in me anymore, got me really worried. It was as if I always took her presence in my life for granted, and the thought that maybe I might lose her forever, scared and hurt me at the same time.

"It's time you tell her, mate!" I remember Ron trying to give me some piece of advise about his sister.

"Look who's talking! I don't seem to recall you saying anything to Hermione about your feeling, Ron..."

"I don't know what you're talking about! Anyway, we are not talking about me right now, but rather about someone I know that spends his days memorising every move of my sister... someone that never takes his eyes off her, someone...."

"Enough! I got it. However, even if I decide to tell her how I feel, I don't know how I could manage that..."

"Well you can try with, 'Hi Ginny, you know, I like you very much. Would you like to go out with me sometime?' "

"And she will reply with, ' Harry, what's got into you? You're only a friend to me and I don't want anything more than this' "

I let sadness overcome myself, and, disconsolate, I fell on the couch in front of the fireplace of the Gryffindor common room.

"Cheer up, Harry! After all, you went already through all this madness with Cho," Ron tried to encourage me.

"I didn't feel for Cho what I feel now for your sister," I replied, frustrated " I never felt anything like this before. Just thinking about Ginny makes me feel stronger. When she looks at me or smiles at me, I feel like I have the world on my hands. She makes me feel ready for everything, and then, at the same time, she makes me also feel so weak. The mere thought that someone else could be with her instead of me it's unbearable. I can't exist, I can't live without her. I don't know many things about the subject Ron, but I think that this is Love. I think I'm really in love with Ginny."

I turned my head towards Ron and I found him with a pleased grin on his face.

"What?"I asked curious, baffled by his reaction.

He nodded at someone behind me, so I turned my head and when I saw who he was looking at, I felt my heart burst inside my chest. 

Ginny and Hermione were right there with their mouths agape.

Hermione then smiled at me with the same grin I saw on Ron's face.

Ginny, however, looked like she was petrified. 

She was standing there with her arms hanging limply at her sides, motionless as though somebody just stunned her. 

But her eyes were so full of wonder...

I had always loved Ginny's eyes. They were so beautiful, so warm, so luminous, and so full of life. It was always easy for me to lose myself in their bottomless depth. I used to tell her that she didn't need a wand, her eyes were enough to charm everything. 

At least they were enough to charm me. But they were never as beautiful as they were in that moment.

I remember stepping closer to her and taking her hands with mine, and completely forgetting that we were not alone in the room, I confessed my love to her:

"I love you Ginny!"

"I love you too Harry!" she replied simply "You can't even imagine how much!".

Since then I always considered the kiss that followed our declaration of love as my first real kiss.

That evening, once we were alone, she told me that she never really stopped loving me.

"Michael was cute, and I have to admit that he always treated me well, and, you know, he was also the first boy who really noticed me..."

"I'm sorry...I was so stupid ..."

"It doesn't matters anymore," she raised her hand, silencing me, "finally I'm here with you and this is what really counts. I had to wait a long time for you but it was worth everything I went through." She lowered her eyes shyly. "I didn't hope anymore that you would notice me. I was satisfied to be at least a good friend for you. But I never stopped loving you, not even for a second. I've tried, at least this is true. I thought that if I go out with other boys, I could forget you or maybe I would realise that mine was actually only a silly crush, like everyone kept saying, and that eventually it would vanish with time... For a little while I had even quite convinced myself that this was really the case. But, as we begun to get closer, I realised that Michael wasn't the boy I wanted to be with. It was you, like always. When I left him, I did it not just because he was really turning into a royal prat, but because I couldn't keep leading him on knowing that I was still in love with you."

Not a single day passes by without me thinking of her. I always ask myself if she has changed in this four years. I wonder about stupid things, like how long her hair might be, if she is taller, if she's fatter or thinner...if she is still living in our house or she returned to the Burrow, if there is someone else in her life, if she's in love...if...

I left her without a word, as though there never was anything important between us, as though we didn't live together for almost two years, as though we never planned to marry each other in a few months. 

But although I know that I have no right to do this after all I did to her, I can't stop hoping that one day I will find her again in our house and that she will still welcome me back in her arms.

I know, I am really the greatest selfish git in the world.

~*~

"Ehi Harry! Finally you're up! The leaders just finished the meeting. They decided that we have to move the camp tonight. It looks like we've been discovered."

Neville sounds happy to leave this place. We have been here for four months and I know that he can't stand being in the same place for too long. He told me that whenever he stays too long in one place he misses his family even more.

For my part, I don't mind these continuous changes so much. For the last four years, it's like I've been through all England.

"Do you know where we're going?" I ask him suddenly.

"No, I don't. The leaders will let us know our new destination as soon as they'll end the last arrangements they're making to increase our protection. But based from what I gathered, it looks like we're going south, towards London."

"What?"

London is too close to Ginny. I haven't been there since I left.

"I should have known that you'd react like this! It's because of Ginny, isn't it? Are you afraid to find her right in front of you?"

Thinking about seeing her again after all this time scares the hell out of me!

"Don't worry too much, Harry! London is large and the odds that you'll meet her are little. And for what we know, she may not live in the same place anymore."

"I don't think she's moved! She loved those places too much, after all she always lived round there, between the Burrow and London." I reply. 

I can feel Neville' eyes on me, like he is trying to decide if he should tell me what he has in his mind or not.

"Harry," he tells me after a while, " I'm sorry to say this... you know that you're my best friend, right?"

"Yes, I know. What's the matter?"

"Well, ...I think...I think it's time for you to stop behaving like a coward!" he tells me sharply.

"I'm not a coward!" I say indignantly. "I never backed out from anyone or anything."

"You did that with Ginny and her family, and you know this very well! Isn't it the reason why the mere thought of finding yourself in the near them scares you?"

I can't even reply to him. Everything he's saying is true. It's exactly the same thing I thought about myself a billion times already.

"You are the bravest wizard that I have ever met Harry," Neville goes on, "but only when the matter is the fight. Once, you were the bravest man too, but now...well, if I have to tell you everything, I think...well, sometimes it seems that you don't have any emotions left in you...and I had always thought that those were your greatest weapons."

I lift up my head and I notice that Neville is still staring at me, as tough he's trying to decipher if his words had an effect on me like he was hoping. 

When we were younger, he would never be able to say what he said to me today. He's changed so much! But unlike me, he's become stronger, while, I, in the other hand, have become the shadow of the man I used to be.

"I don't know what you're expecting me to say Neville. It's not like all the things you've just told me never crossed my mind. But the problem is that right now, I'm not strong enough to face them. Even you wouldn't face them if you were in my shoes knowing how much they suffered because of you."

Neville sighs, exasperated.

"Harry you should stop feeling like the victim in this story..."

"I don't feel like I'm the victim!"

"Yes, you are!" he yells.

This is the first time I see Neville so angry.

"I never understood the choice you made," he continues in a softer tone, "but it's not up to me judge you. The Weasleys were always good people. If you have returned home, I think that it would have been easy for them to forgive you. But now, you'll never know..."

He stops abruptly as tough he has just said more than he intended.

"What do you mean Neville?"

"I mean..." he stutters "I mean that..."

He never gets to finish what he was saying because Ernie McMillian enters suddenly in our tent.

"Guys, if you keep on shouting like that maybe you can draw here some Death Eaters," he say mocking us.

"What do you want Ernie?" I reply harshly.

"Ehi, Harry calm down! I come here only to inform you that we'll leave in an hour. Get ready and then come to the tent of the leaders. They're going to give us the directions for our new destination."

"Okay Ernie, we'll be there in an instant" Neville answers calmer.

"See you later then," Ernie replies stepping out from our tent and leaving Neville and I alone again.

During the next ten minutes we don't exchange even a single word. 

Neville finishes packing his things first and sets off immediately. But he stops just before he goes on.

"Remember Harry! You can't keep on running away and hiding for all your life. You have still a chance to repair the damage you caused."

And with this, he leaves.

~*~


End file.
